On Intrusive Thoughts

The same night I posted about feeling good for the first time in ages I was hit with a giant ton of bricks in the form of a really intense and painful intrusive thought. It flew out of nowhere and knocked me for six, completely. I've been avoiding writing about it because my brain has …

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On Feeling Good (?)

The past week saw some of the biggest downs of the year for me, and that is really saying something when looking at my year so far. But coming out of that, with things resolved and getting better because of it, I'm feeling a lot more positive. I've realised a lot in the past few …

On Balance

The past two weeks have been hectic, and the foreseeable future looks hectic also so I'm abandoning the idea that I'll be able to post on the same day every week, and just going to try and play things a bit more by ear. Its something I need to learn how to do in life …

Day 1/Week 1: On starting again, and forgiveness.

So, I'm starting again. I've been chronicling a complete downturn as opposed to a recovery, and that isn't what I created this blog for. Every time I feel like I've hit rock bottom the floor comes out from underneath me and somehow I'm even lower than before. I've been putting off writing this for days, …

Day 29/Week 5: On Spiralling

This past week every bit of information I hear about my partner's move has sent my thoughts spiralling beyond my ability to keep up or see where they're going. I'm speeding down a helter skelter and it seems my ability to stick my arms and legs out and slow it down, or stop it altogether …

Day 22/Week 4: On Vulnerability

The last week has had me thrown all over the place. In the space of days I've felt relief, guilt, complete devastation, and everything in between. For once, they were completely unrelated to my illness. Now, the dust is settling and my intrusive thoughts are kicking in at full speed, noticing this vulnerability after the …

Day 15/Week 3: On Change

I feel like in the past couple weeks I have gone from a gaping open and infected wound to one that is trying to heal but keeps getting little snags and opening up again. Its improvement, but I'm still in pain. In a matter of days my life is going to look completely different. My …

Day 8/Week 2: On Feeling Lost

This week my lack of A Thing has felt like my big problem. I turn 24 tomorrow and I've been relentlessly beating myself up for feeling so lost, for not having a Thing, for not knowing what the Hell I want to do with my time let alone in terms of a career. It seems …

Day 1/Week 1

I have cried every day for the past few months. It is currently 10:33am on a Friday morning and I have already been on the verge of tears today because this is now my second attempt at this blog post, and that alone makes me feel like a failure. I spent an hour this morning …